Wrestling Ernest Hemingway, Sumo-Style

Please post a well-known person (alive, dead, or fictional) with whom you would like to have a fight (be it physical, intellectual, emotional, etc.) and how you would go about it (ie. strategy, weapons, etc.).

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If you would like to find the original story for yesterday's Mad Libs post, see The Genesis of Mad Libs Mondays. Feel free to post your completed Mad Lib with all the substituted words in place in the comments section.